i got 99 problems..

sunset-bwwhen I think about my future, i never thought i would be in a situation like i am today. seeing abuse all my life and having my mom finally leaving my dad i thought that day would never come. it sure came, and it made me have to grow up real fast. i hardly ever speak about my feelings or personal life for many reasons. nobody wants to be the center of chisme, even though you love to hear the chisme. i also think how there is so many other problems in the world, why would someone want to hear mine?. i’m tired of people thinking i’m just a pretty girl with no worries in the world. well here i am dealing with every worry in the world. i haven’t had a legit conversation with my father in a year, and when i did speak to him, he tells me its my fault for my parents separating. my mother is constantly gone and her reason being she was closed in for so long. my parents the people you first look up to, you want to have a relationship with, gone. you begin to think well maybe it was my fault when it comes to my parents separating, or maybe its my fault my mom felt so closed in because she had me so young. so i begin to not care, with anything in life. my grades were horrible, i almost lost my funds for college and my job. i stopped going to church and when i hung out with my friends i would drink until i was black out drunk. and let me tell you that is not a good look. it wasn’t until recently i realized this is not who i am, nor who i want to be. i began to just live my life day by day and realizing how my friends have helped me incredibly throughout this situation. i think of this as a learning stone towards my future, instead of a block.


– Victoria